Confessions of a Teenage Ninja
by Mistress Of The Macabre
Summary: Team Snake's innermost thoughts on paper. Hilarity ensues. Extremely random. Rated M for Hidan's language. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Confessions Of A Teenage Ninja**

**SUIGETSU**

**Sunday**

**Akatsuki lounge**

**Xxx**

I swear, if I have to listen to one more of Karin's: "I'm going to ravish Sasuke-kun, LOLOLOLOL"'s, I am going to kill myself. Since when did Sasuke recruit such a retarded female?

He should have recruited more superior swordsmen, like myself.

**Still Sunday**

**Still in Akatsuki lounge**

**Xxx**

Owww.

I just stabbed myself with my own sword.

Maybe it's best that there's only one Suigetsu around.

**STILL SUNDAY**

**My room**

**Xxx**

Hidan's weird. I heard somewhere that he's only 22 years old…but if that's true, why is his hair GREY?

Maybe I should ask him.

**STILL SUNDAY**

**MY ROOM, nursing several injuries**

**Xxx**

Okay, so maybe asking him wasn't the best idea. He used a lot of bad words. One of them started with 'f' and ended with 'uck'. I wonder what that means…

**MONDAY**

**MY ROOM**

**Xxx**

Asked Kakuzu. All he said was: 'it's that fool's way of expressing his anger towards you.'

Hmm. Expressing his anger, huh?

Maybe Hidan needs someone to ease his nerves.

**Still Monday**

**Akatsuki Lounge**

**Xxx**

Got everything ready. I have several relaxation tapes, some incense I stole off Karin, and a hose.

What's the hose for, you ask?

Well, I hear listening to rain can be VERY relaxing.

**Still Monday**

**Outside Akatsuki Base**

**Xxx**

Got all my stuff ready. I'm standing on the roof, and Hidan's room is below me.

Man, he sure is expressing his anger today! Maybe this isn't such a great idea, after all…

Wait, how do I get down?!

**Still Monday**

**On Akatsuki Base Roof**

**Xxx**

How did I get up here in the first place?!

**Still Monday**

**On Akatsuki Base Roof**

**Xxx**

Deidara leaned out the window and gave me a weird look. Honestly, I think he's on his period.

**STILL Monday…**

**On Akatsuki Base Roof**

**Xxx**

Well, I'm here, so I may as well give it a shot. I've hidden some of those tape players inside Hidan's room, with the calming tapes inside. I've got some incense burning.

Now all he needs is some rain.

**Monday**

**Outside Akatsuki Base, on ground**

**Xxx**

It didn't work. All that happened when I tried everything was that Hidan opened up his window, and started expressing his anger at me some more. There were a lot of F-bombs this time.

I don't think he likes my relaxation tapes.

Should I get some more?

**Tuesday**

**Akatsuki Base**

**Xxx**

How do you tell if you're gay? I'M not gay, but I do wonder about some of our members…

**Still Tuesday**

**Akatsuki Base**

**Xxx**

Logged onto Leader's computer. I'm taking an 'are you gay'? quiz.

I think I'm going to ace it.

**Still Tuesday**

**My Room**

**Xxx**

Honestly, I don't think Hidan's the only one with anger issues. Kakuzu came in, saw that I was on the computer, and he went ballistic. "What do you think this is?!" he shouted. "Do you have any idea how much computers COST?!"

Well, actually, I don't. I tried pointing that out to Kakuzu, but all he did was send me out.

You should have heard the row when he saw what site I was on.

**STILL Tuesday**

**My Room**

**Xxx**

Kakuzu complained to Leader. Leader got the computer smashed, much to Kakuzu's delight. You should have heard the singing. I'm not sure what he was singing, but it sounded like he was dying.

Then again, it's not as bad as Hidan's laugh.

He sounds like he's getting murdered.

**Ugh…Still Tuesday X.x**

**My Room, slightly confused**

**Xxx**

Felt depressed, so I went hunting for some man food- cookies.

I didn't find any, but I DID find an apron in one of the kitchen cupboards. It has Nemo on it.

Who owns it, I wonder?

**Still Tuesday (1 minute later) **

**My Room**

**Xxx**

Well, it couldn't be Itachi. He wears one of those Masterchef aprons.

**Still Tuesday (30 seconds later) **

**My Room**

**Xxx**

I don't THINK it's mine…

**Still Tuesday (Midnight) **

**My Room**

**Xxx**

I think I just figured it out.

NO WAAAAY…

**Wednesday**

**My Room**

**Xxx**

Kisame came in this morning. He asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I said: "No, not really, but why have you got an apron in the kitchen cupboard?"

He got really angry and tried to cut me with his Samehada.

Honestly, I think I have a right to know if my rival is a transvestite.


	2. Chapter 2

**KARIN**

**Thursday**

**Akatsuki Lounge**

**Xxx**

I am so ugly. I would kill myself, but I really can't be bothered.

I'm going to go do something to take my mind off my own ugliness.

**Thursday**

**Akatsuki Lounge**

**Xxx**

Looking through the family albums. I'm really not surprised I'm ugly, because my parents as kids were ugly too. My dad is a perfect example. His nose was HUGE. It literally takes up three-quarters of his face.

Actually, scratch that, he was just a nose with arms and legs attached.

**Still Thursday**

**Akatsuki Lounge**

**Xxx**

Hmm. Maybe I should try changing my appearance?

It works on those shows that Itachi seems to be watching all the time.

**Thursday Afternoon**

**Akatsuki Lounge**

**Xxx**

NOTE TO SELF: Deidara does NOT appreciate being asked what his beauty secret is.

NOTE TO SELF (2): DEIDARA IS A MAN, NOT A WOMAN.

**Thursday Night**

**My room**

**Xxx**

I am never going to have a boyfriend.

I'm too ugly.

**Thursday Night (2 minutes later) **

**My room**

**Xxx**

Oh God, please don't let me be a lesbian!

**Thursday Night (1 minute later) **

**My room**

**Xxx**

What do lesbians do, anyway?

**Friday Morning**

**Akatsuki lounge**

**Xxx**

Watching reruns of Desperate Housewives with Leader.

I'm surprised he hasn't told me to bugger off already.

He must really like this show.

**Friday Morning**

**Akatsuki Bathroom**

**Xxx**

I've locked the door and am now trying to make myself look less ugly.

It's not easy, especially with Hidan banging on the door telling me he needs to pee, but I have to try.

Hmm. I'm going to start with this mono-brow of mine. It's just one long, red eyebrow, and it's giving me the creeps. This is one thing I don't like about living in a house full of guys; no-one tells you when you need to SHAVE!

Grr.

Well, I am now looking for the tweezers. Konan has hidden them quite well, damn her. Oh well, I guess I'll use Hidan's razor instead.

It does the same thing as tweezers, right?

**Friday Morning**

**Akatsuki Bathroom**

**Xxx**

Wow. It did the job quickly. That's good. But my eyebrows are uneven. I'll have to even them up.

**Friday (Noon) **

**Akatsuki Bathroom**

**Xxx**

Argh, now the other one's too thin.

I'll have to even them up again.

**Friday Afternoon**

**Akatsuki Bathroom**

**Xxx**

Well, I think I look alright. A little surprised, but alright.

I just finished tidying them up when Hidan broke the door down, swearing. He took one look at me, and thoughts of needing to pee vanished.

"What in Jashin's name have you done to yourself, you stupid girl?!" he said, and then he started laughing. He was too surprised to even swear. Then he nearly peed himself.

I got out of there quick smart.

What kind of retarded Leader only has one bathroom, anyway?!

One that watches Desperate Housewives, that's who.

**Friday Evening**

**My Room**

**Xxx**

I cried for two hours.

Konan came in and asked me what was wrong (she had been out on a mission, so she didn't get to hear Hidan boast about my eyebrows all day).

I told her, "Oh, nothing, just that I don't have any eyebrows anymore."

**Friday Night**

**My room**

**Xxx**

She gave me a pencil to draw them on.

I really wish I could draw…

**Saturday Morning**

**My room**

**Xxx**

I had to come out of my room eventually. I taped my fringe to my head so that my non-existent eyebrows wouldn't be visible, but everyone still laughed, anyway.

I hate my life.

Why did Akatsuki have to be full of MEN, anyway?

**Saturday Morning**

**My room**

**Xxx**

I'm already sick of guys, and I haven't had anything to do with them yet.

**Saturday (Noon) **

**My room**

**Xxx**

How does Konan manage?!

**Saturday Afternoon**

**My room**

**Xxx**

What is this, a circus show?

Hidan came up to my room this morning, just to laugh at me. Then everyone else did, too. I swear, I could PUNCH Deidara! I don't think I look THAT bad. A little on the startled earwig side, but not terrible.

Stupid blonde girly-man.

How was I supposed to know he was a dude, anyway?!

**Saturday Afternoon.**

**My room**

**Xxx**

I REALLY hate my life.

Kisame just came up, sat next to me, and said, "Don't worry, if they don't grow back we can join the circus together!"

…Honestly, I think that blue dye of his has permanently affected his brain.

**Saturday Evening**

**My room**

**Xxx**

Suigetsu tried to come in and laugh. I threw my book at him.

Now he has a bruise, hahahahahahaha.


End file.
